| Leslie Nielsen | ... Lt. Frank Drebin |
| Priscilla Presley | ... Jane Spencer |
| George Kennedy | ... Ed Hocken |
| O. J. Simpson | ... Nordberg |
| Fred Ward | ... Rocco |
| Kathleen Freeman | ... Muriel |
|
| Anna Nicole Smith | ... Tanya |
| Ellen Greene | ... Louise |
| Pia Zadora | ... Herself |
| Joe Grifasi | ... Director |
|
| Ed Williams | ... Ted |
| Raye Birk | ... Papshmir |
| Matt Roe | ... Clayton |
| Wylie Small | ... Defense Attorney |
| Sharon Cornell | ... Stenographer |
| Earl Boen | ... Dr. Eisendrath |
| Jeff Wright | ... Store Manager |
| Lorali Hart | ... Melon Lady |
| Mallory Sandler | ... Grocery Mother |
| Karen Segal | ... Purse Woman |
| Brad Lockerman | ... Jason |
| Rosalind Allen | ... Bobbi |
| Charlotte Zucker | ... Nurse |
| Lois de Banzie | ... Dr. Kohlzak |
| Doris Belack | ... Dr. Roberts |
| Nigel Gibbs | ... Carjacker |
| Andre Rosey Brown | ... Corridor Guard |
| Randall "Tex" Cobb | ... Big Hairy Con |
| Ann B. Davis | ... Herself |
| Alex Zimmerman | ... Mess Hall Convict |
| Marc Alaimo | ... Trucker |
| Tom Finnegan | ... Priest |
| Hammam Shafie | ... Cabbie |
| Jeffrey Anderson Gunter | ... Cabbie |
| Danny D. Daniels | ... Cabbie |
| Vanna White | ... Herself |
| Weird Al Yankovic | ... Himself |
| Rick Scarry | ... Security Guard |
| Mary Lou Retton | ... Herself |
| James Robert Scribner | ... Phil Donahue's Make-Up Man |
| Lou Felder | ... Presenter |
| Chrissy Bocchino | ... Mother Theresa |
| Joe D'Angerio | ... Security Guard |
| Gary Cooper | ... Cop |
| Christopher J. Keene | ... Cop |
| Joe Flood | ... Cop |
| Scott Evers | ... Umpire |
| Paul Hutton | ... Doctor |
|
| People Who Didn't Have Lines, But We Like 'Em |
| Burt Zucker | ... Clinic Patient |
| Susan Breslau | ... Train Lady #1 |
| Erin MacArthur | ... Train Lady #2 |
| Marcy Goldman | ... Train Lady #3 |
| David Zucker | ... Teleprompter Guy |
| Robert K. Weiss | ... Tuba Player |
| Peter Segal | ... Producer of "Sawdust & Mildew" |
| Robert LoCash | ... Producer of "Sawdust & Mildew" |
| William Kerr | ... Producer of "Sawdust & Mildew" |
| Jolie Chain | ... Producer's Wife |
| Wendy Hogan | ... Producer's Wife |
| Jeri Caldwell | ... Producer's Wife |
| Michael Ewing | ... Assistant Director |
| David "Skippy" Malloy | ... Maalox Boy |
| Vanessa Sandin | ... Gabriella |
| Julie Strain | ... Dominatrix |
| Andrew Craig | ... Bryce Porterhouse Guard |
| David Fresco | ... Lifetime Award Recipient |
| Bill Erwin | ... Conductor |
| Adam Hasart | ... Frank, Jr. |
| John Capodice | ... Mr. Big |
| Glen Chin | ... Sumo Wrestler |
| Philip Yamaguchi | ... Sumo Wrestler |
| Florence Henderson | ... Herself |
| Tim Bohn | ... Waldo |
| Timothy Watters | ... President Clinton |
| Gene Greytak | ... Pope |
| Aaron Seville | ... Cop |
| Blane Savage | ... Dancer |
| Michael Chambers | ... Dancer |
| T. C. Diamond | ... Dancer |
| Brett Heine | ... Dancer |
| Jerald Vincent | ... Dancer |
| Wayne Crescendo Ward | ... Dancer |
| Brian Wightman | ... Dancer |
| Bryan Anthony | ... Dancer |
| Paul Feig | ... Oscar Audience Member |
| Joel Madison | ... Oscar Audience Member |
| Steve Pepoon | ... Oscar Audience Member |
| Scott Herriott | ... Oscar Audience Member |
| Edward Weber | ... Oscar Audience Member |
| Adrienne Parsons | ... Mercedes Lady |
| Robert J. Elisberg | ... Taxi Driver |
| Elisa Pensler Gabrielli | ... Mourner |
| Taran Killam | ... Boy of Geriatric Park |
| Marianne Davis | ... Girl of Geriatric Park |
| Bill Zuckert | ... Old Man |
| Nicole Segal | ... Screaming Supermarket Baby |
|
| People Who Were Cut Out of the Movie, But It Wasn't Their Fault |
| Lil Chain | ... Woman Crossing Behind O. J. |
| Shirley Brody | ... Woman on Street |
| Michael Boatman | ... Clinic Nurse |
| Marlon Brando | ... Don Corleone |
| Eric Christmas | ... Prison Chaplain |
| Bill Chemerka | ... Head of Alamo Society |
| Benjamin Cohen | ... Hairy Butt Boy |
